Sunday, November 28, 2010

Few days ago,
had a deep deep chat with mum.
and she shared some of the burdens with me.
Gosh.....
just made me think of a lot of things.
like how ignorant I can be..... how that I never saw that pain....
until my heart goes numb.
But I guess is worth it,
cause is not of childish or retarded stuff.
is about not just dealing with my lives,
but also be responsible for others lives.
I always think that I'm still young & youngest in family,
But getting older....
gotta stop thinking for myself only.....
but think for others as well in a way I never did before.

Note:
This post is really not to anyone.
But simply based on my thoughts & with the chat with mum.
You can take this post as crap or whatsoever.
I'm not referring to anyone of you- I swear.
Cause don't want misunderstanding with anyone again.

~FIND THE WAY~

I just don't understand.
why people,
when they are given endless advices over & over again,
and they been through the shit over & over again,
but they still refused to learn their mistake?
I really really dislike this kind of people.
not only they're suffering,
they make others suffered too along with them.
how selfish can they be?
I don't know whether I should give them chance,
or just seriously watch them die.
cause like the word,
" They'll never learn until they see the coffin right in front of them "
But screw myself,
I can't let that happen.
But once again,
so what? they will never learn anyway.
so just let them die?
I don't have the answer.
I'm not till that stage yet.

" I chose this life right now "......
I was so comforted by this word someone said to me.
Because of the endless shit that happened,
because of the wrong way of living they've been leading,
they chose a life that comes with responsibility, love, care & peace.
what I mean is peace with oneself.
what has done can't be erased nor forgotten.
but 1 thing for sure,
it can be surely forgiven.
forgive your past & move ahead to the future.
No one can catch it for you.
only you can.
No one can stop you from flapping your wings,
so stop blaming on others for the cause of your failure.
everything is a choice.
if you follow blindly because they say is wrong,
but what if all of them are wrong & you're correct?
You still can't blame them cause you choose to follow the crowd.
is your decision,
you take the responsibility.
and that is the thing I'm learning right now.
it is hard to be responsible.

Being reflective is a very very good thing.
this shows the humane side of you,
that you know your mistake & is willing to change.
But sometimes,
people just take things so hard,
and they start to think & reflect deeply about their mistakes.
But have anyone of you realize or think that,
no matter how much you have reflected,
you are still the same?
and you repeated the same mistake over & over again?
and you reflected over & over again?
I just feel that sometimes,
people just think too hard & deep unnecessary
that they simply miss out the answer that is just right in front of them.
Things can actually be so simple.
But they chose this way & make it so complicated.
and everything just become pointless.
and that is when we start to make mistakes again,
and reflect again- this is when the cycle never ends.
Speak and act what you preach,
and not preach of not what you will never do.
The thing is, no one needs to say anything.
just simply do it by action,
and everyone will be convinced.
sometimes is just useless to reflect,
and is better to just do it without hesitation.
Is still up to individual.
your life, your decision.

Accepting.
A rubbish side of you may seem literally rubbish in others' eyes,
but that rubbish side of you may be adorable in someone's eyes.
The junk you're embracing may be literally a junk in others' eyes,
but that junk you're embracing may be a precious in someone's eyes.
A lot of people will pass through your life,
and will start to question you.
" How much do that arms hurt while carrying that junk?"
But that someone may say to you,
" even if this is so, it is precious to me"
Not everyone can become that someone who see your flaws as a humane side.
Not everyone can become that someone who accept your flaws as the real you.
if just some people can't accept the way you are,
and because of this,
you start to change or throw away the things you have been embracing,
things that "label" as YOU.
tell me, what's the point?
trying to change for others who will always find flaws in you?
or trying to change so you can leave a good impression?
or trying to change so you won't hurt others anymore?
tell me, what will be left of you?
a person who only tries to fit in to others,
or a person who only try not to hurt others?
I'm going to tell you the truth;
it is only emptiness.
cause you will lose your real self in the end.
and be someone who is only trying to fit in the crowd who will never accept you.
Stop telling yourself,
" I gotta change because I hurt blahblah "
have you guys ever realized or heard a lot people are saying,
" I just want to be myself ! "
But what is actually stopping you?
No one ~~
the one stopping is you, yourself.
because you never accept yourself first,
and you feel others never accept you.
but how do you expect others to accept you when you never even accept yourself first?
Is very very hard, but we just gotta learn the painful path of accepting oneself.
and no one is perfect.
in life,
we hurt, we love, we laugh, we cry. we share. we console.
we get jealous. we misunderstand. we get through the tough times together.
if is only simply laughter & fun without hurting or tough times,
then I don't think any relation will last,
cause they won't withstand any storms in the future.
it is through hurting that we know how precious & strong this relation is,
not how much laughter & fun times we share that how good & precious our relation is.
I feel that true love,
is about accepting a person's flaw & rubbish side & still can love them,
and not throwing away your rubbish side so people may start loving you.
I'm sure everyone can find someone who accept them for who they are.


And I really hope all of us can stop avoiding or drag any problems.
cause if you think problems can be solved by themselves through time,
it will never happen.
problems will not get solved by themselves if it is left undone.
somehow, at a point of time,
we just gotta learn to face it,
and stop running away from it.
ad stop wasting time to think about unnecessary things,
just face the mistake & accept your flaws,
instead of endless reflecting & self-loathing.
this brings you to nowhere.
we all gotta learn.



Sigh......
Thanks mum for making me so stressed.
gotta learn to take up responsibility~~

I just hope everyone can live a fulfilling life.

p.s~ The person who can love you & be with you till the end is someone who can see the real you and still be able to shine in your own imperfection ~

so cherish & keep the ones that are always there for you.
instead of keeping those who only wants the best & fun side of you.
cause like I said before long time ago,
if someone can't accept you for your worst,
then they don't deserve you at your best.

The Fairy & The Funeral{1:34 AM}
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