Sunday, November 7, 2010

CLOSURE.




helllooooo ~~
morning :)
There is something I'd wish to say to everyone.

Actually I didn't have the intention to say it out at all.
But I just don;t want things may lead to more misunderstanding between anyone,
be it my family, closest friends or normal friends.
This is for all of you.

The old me :

Everything I also will be there and I want to be mutually in your life
and we must share and do almost everything together . I die die also will be there for you.

The current me:

Rather than saying " I don't care anymore ", I rather say in this way " It doesn't matter to me ". As long as you guys are happy, good for you. And I really mean it.
I no longer care about who you are closest with, what have I missed & etc.
really guys, as long as you all are happy, I'm really glad already.
My attitude is now a little like yr 1, sem 1, but I personally think is way better than that time.
And you need me, I'll definitely still be there.

The 13 weeks of isolation has really changed me a lot.
I'd say that it was for the better for everyone around me.
But the twist & turns,
and 1 party is thinking " I hope my change works better for our relation "
and the other party may be thinking another way.
This led to many unnecessary misunderstandings.
And the thing I find it to be quite contradicting is ,
When I take this kind of thing so seriously,
nothing seemed to happen at all.
But when I started to take it more casually [ Note: Not Lightly ]
Things stated to happen.


And to you:
This will be my 1st and the last time I'm going to say.

The 1st incident & the 2nd incident-- if you think harder..
They are both totally a different issue.
Ok, just take it that I'm being paranoid or whatever you may think.

the 1st incident, what was I paranoid about?
It was stupid, dumb, childish, ridiculous & petty issue, right !!??
after that I've learned my mistake.

the 2nd issue, what was I paranoid about?
It was not those petty stupid dumb ridiculous issue again, right?
It was about you, and us !
Trying to work out a better relationship, right??????????

I know what you're pissed is I never trusted you at the 1st time you said.
Always being paranoid, worry, hurt etc.etc.etc.
But please don't link these 2 incidents together,
because they're of different nature.
And if you understand what I was saying last night,
those 3 conditions aren't even needed to be said out.
But I know that you understood,
and you're just restating it to make it clearer to me.
And I'm just wanna say,
I already have gotten these points so so long ago.
And I never even once think that you taking friendship so lightly after the 1st incident.



And also, I just wanna say this the last time to everyone.

1) Don't think I'm being " extra " or " too " nice to you. Any single one of you.
I'm just like that.
I don't have any reasons to treat you all nice. I'm just being so casual.
Don't misunderstand that I'm trying to be good in anyway.
And I'm like that to almost everyone.

2) Don't ever try to give me back the same level of love or care I gave it to you guys.
I gave it means I gave it.
I gave it to you, is up to you whether you gave it to me.
I don't expect anything in return.
You wanna give me this level, then I'm really really fine & glad.
Cause like I say " It doesn't even matter to me "
and most importantly is, just be who you are.

3) I'm not being paranoid- literally.
Or hurt or sad or anxious by anything you guys did.
I've my own future to be worried & paranoid about.
I'm not that great and noble to be paranoid about other people stuff and action.
Even if I'm hurt or worried,
All these were self-inflicted !!
It was no one but me.
and most importantly, I always ask myself " self-reflective " questions.
and these are not negative thoughts.
Is not as if " THE WHOLE WORLD HATES ME ! " or " I'M CONFIRM HATED BY PEOPLE ! "
it was simply like " what can I do? " or " Have I done something wrong ?"
and I just think if I ever did any mistake & start to crack my brain.
That is all.
And that is how human learn, isn't it?
So stop thinking I'm whatever you think I'm.
You are not my brain. You're not my heart.
and You're not me.

That is all guys.
I've no rights to stop what you guys are thinking.
I've done my part in saying what I'm really heartily feeling.
You wanna believe , you believe.
You think this is an excuse, just take it this way.
If you don't believe I'm changing for the better us, I'd have nothing else to say already.

I'm still the same Shun.

The Fairy & The Funeral{12:10 PM}
_________________________________________________________